Dealing With Loss

October 28, 2007

Dear Friends,

On television this week, I saw interviews with several families who lost their homes in the fires that raced across southern California. It was nice to see that all of these people recognized that, in the largest sense, life is not about things. It is about love. And even though their houses—and all of the things in them—were gone, each of these families felt extremely grateful and blessed to have each other.

The loss of one’s home, however, is still a very real—and very devastating—loss. And I think it is important to acknowledge that fact.

A home, as you well know, is much more than mortar and bricks, stucco and tile. It is much more than a structure, a shelter, or even—in some cases—a work of art. A home is a box of memories, containing cherished mementos, souvenirs, keepsakes, heirlooms, and photographs. All of those treasured things are physical symbols of the people and the experiences in our lives that we hold near and dear to our hearts.

Although the memories themselves remain intact, it is still understandably tragic when the “memory collage” that one has spent a lifetime constructing, has been destroyed by wind, water, fire, or a shift in the earth itself.

I often mention that one of the keys to living life in the divine flow (and fulfilling your heart’s desires effortlessly) is maintaining a positive attitude. But that positive attitude must be genuine. And that means that feelings such as grief, sadness, and sorrow must first be allowed to run their natural course.

As I recently wrote, living life in the divine flow is not about stuffing your feelings to maintain an "appearance" of positivity. There is such a thing as legitimate suffering in life. It is not the kind of suffering that you bring upon yourself through needless worry or thoughtless actions. It is the kind of suffering that occurs most often with the sudden and unexpected loss of something, or someone, that you deeply love.

If you are dealing with a loss in your life right now, it is okay to go ahead and let yourself feel your feelings about it. In fact, it is necessary. Give yourself permission to experience all of your feelings freely and fully. Allow them to come, and go . . . and come again . . . and go again. It is the only way that they will eventually dissipate.

If, instead, you attempt to suppress those feelings, they will continue to exist at a subconscious level. And, in the end, that will just delay your ability to heal and feel joy again. And by "joy" I mean that underlying sense of appreciation for the total experience of life . . . a joy that embraces all of life’s twists and turns . . . a joy that may be best described as "bittersweet."

To each of you who have recently lost a loved one, a beloved pet, or anything else that occupies an important place in your heart, please know that kindred spirits the world over are supporting you in the restoration of your sense of wholeness, and the recovery of your sense of peace.

Blessings to you all.

Steven

© 2007 by Steven Lane Taylor