About Subconscious Self-Sabotage

Have you ever noticed a pattern in your life that seemed detrimental to you? I’m talking about the kind of repeating experience where you are likely to say to yourself, “Why is this always happening to me?”

The fact that you want to know “why” is a good thing. If you understand why something is happening you are in a better position to do something about it. Right? Right. There’s a problem, though, with the way your question is stated. It’s the “to me” part. That’s a victim position. If something is happening to you—if the world is doing it to you, or God is doing it to you—how are you going to change that? Change the world? Change God?

If you really want to do something about an adverse experience you keep having over and over again, a good first step is to be willing to take personal responsibility for its occurrence in your life. The fact is, repeating experiences are usually something you—yourself—are creating through your choices. And those choices are often influenced by the beliefs you harbor deep within your subconscious mind—beliefs about life, the world, and your role in the world that you developed at a very early age.

Many of your subconscious beliefs are simply the assumptions and misunderstandings of a child. They are flawed, faulty, and based on information that was incomplete at best. And yet, even though you are no longer consciously aware of those childhood beliefs, they still have enough influence to affect your life in ways that are not beneficial to you.

For example, if you subconsciously believe you will never be wealthy—or simply don’t deserve to ever live a luxurious life—you will consistently make decisions that will limit your ability to thrive financially. Time after time you will set monetary goals, but then make choices that sabotage your ability to achieve them. The choices you make will seem perfectly reasonable to you. But their self-sabotaging nature will be quite obvious to others.

The good news is this: Since you are the one creating this pattern—even if you are doing it unconsciously—you also have the power to change it! The trick is to discover the subconscious belief that is fostering a repeating experience, so you can dispel it and replace it with an idea that serves you better. And I have found one quick and easy way to do that. It doesn’t work for all people, all the time, in all situations. But it’s a simple technique that has instantly worked for me on several occasions, so it’s certainly worth sharing.

To set the stage for this technique, allow me to tell you a long, but entertaining story about the first time I employed it, even though I wasn’t aware of what I was doing at the time. It’s a good example of how this method works.

When I was in my 30s I recognized a pattern in my life that was extremely frustrating. I was the person who was constantly forgotten. If I was in a meeting of 10 people, and sometime later a list was made of everyone who attended that meeting, I wouldn’t be on the list. If I signed up for a seminar in advance, when I arrived at the check-in desk to pick up my name-badge, there wouldn’t be one for me. It was as if I didn’t exist.

This hurtful pattern came to head when I turned forty. A magazine advertisement I had created for American Airlines was up for an award. I went to the awards show, and when the Master of Ceremonies got to my category, he announced, “And the winner in this category is . . .” and my ad appeared on the overhead screen. I won! I began to rise up out of my seat as the MC called out the name of the person who created the ad, “Joe Thornton! Joe, come get your award!”

Joe Thornton? Who’s Joe Thornton? I created the American Airlines ad! Not Joe Thornton! But wait. Is it possible that Joe actually did win in this category, and they just showed the wrong ad? 

As I half-stood, half-sat, trying to figure out what was going on, Joe Thornton looked at the screen, assumed they had simply put up the wrong slide, and stepped onto the stage to accept the award.

Oh no! What happened here? Did my ad win, and the MC called out the wrong creator? Or did Joe win, and they showed the wrong ad? I slumped back into my chair, confused and dejected.

When the awards show was over, I sought out the awards committee and explained the situation. I told them I was the creator of the American Airlines ad, but they had called out Joe Thornton’s name instead of mine. “So who actually won?” I asked. “Did I win for the American Airlines ad, or did Joe Thornton win for some other ad?”

They looked at their paperwork and replied, “Whoever created the American Airlines ad won. We have Joe Thornton listed as that person.” 

“No!” I exclaimed. “I created that ad . . . me . . . Steve Taylor.”

“Oh! Sorry, Mr. Taylor, but we don’t have your name listed here . . . or anywhere.”

Once again I had been left off the list. They told me I could come by the office on Monday to pick up a duplicate award, but that was little consolation for missing an opportunity to finally be recognized.

This experience really hit me hard. I was so despondent, someone at my office suggested I talk to a therapist about this issue. I agreed that would be a good idea, so I asked for a recommendation of a good therapist, and I was given the name of a woman named Charlie.

I called Charlie and made an appointment for 2 o’clock on a Tuesday. When Tuesday arrived, I went to Charlie’s office and knocked on the door. There was no reply. Hmmm, I thought, perhaps Charlie is conducting another session that isn’t over yet. So I waited five minutes and knocked again. Still no answer. Ten minutes later, no answer still. This was before cell phones were commonplace, so at 2:15 I finally left and went back to my office to call Charlie.

“Charlie,” I said, “I thought we had an appointment at 2 o’clock today. Did I have the wrong time or wrong day?”

After a long pause, Charlie responded. “Mr. Taylor, I am so sorry. You are right. We did have an appointment for 2 o’clock today. But I forgot you! This has never happened to me before.”  (It’s happened to me before, I thought.)

Charlie then said, “Please let me make it up to you. If you will come tomorrow at 2 o’clock, I promise I will be there. And there will be no charge for our introductory session.”

Hmmm, I thought. No charge? That’s nice. “Okay, Charlie,” I said. “That sounds good. I will be there at 2 o’clock tomorrow.”

You know what’s coming next, right? I go to Charlie’s office at 2 o’clock the next day, knock on the door, and once again there is no answer. I wait five minutes and knock again. Still no answer. Ten minutes later I leave and drive back to my office to call Charlie.

“Charlie,” I said. “I am certain we rescheduled my appointment for 2 o’clock today, but you weren’t there. Was there a reason you couldn’t make it?”

There was an even longer pause this time. Then Charlie finally said, “Mr. Taylor, I don’t know what to say to you. I am so, so sorry. I forgot you again! To forget you one time is one thing, but to forget you twice?” Then Charlie said something extraordinary. “Mr. Taylor, I would like to suggest something to you. Would you be willing to consider the possibility that you have something to do with me not showing up?”

What? I couldn’t believe what I just heard. What would I have to do with her not showing up? Do I have some kind of magical power that makes people forget me? “Sure Charlie,” I replied half-heartedly. “I’m willing to consider it.” And I hung up.

Well, guess what? My half-hearted willingness to accept personal responsibility for this pattern was enough for me to experience a dramatic revelation right on the spot. The moment I was willing to consider the possibility that I was at the root of this issue, several things happened:

First, I remembered that my brother was 20 years old when I was born, and my sister was 17. Obviously, I wasn’t planned for. And I always knew that. But that’s no big deal, right? Lots of children aren’t planned for.

But suddenly, along with that memory, a deeply seated belief sprang into my conscious awareness. It was a young boy’s conclusion about not being planned for. And it was a big deal. Because this is the belief that immediately came up: “I am not supposed to exist. I am not supposed to be in this Universe at all.”

The second I identified that old, underlying, subconscious belief, my whole life flashed before my eyes, and I could clearly see how it not only influenced my choices, it influenced every aspect of my behavior. I would go into a room full of people, and immediately hide in a corner. My demeanor and body language would clearly broadcast the message, “Don’t pay any attention to me. I’m not supposed to be here.”

I lived life in the cracks, disappearing into the woodwork. I would even refrain from asking people for help or special favors, because I felt that I might be interfering with some kind of divine plan for their lives—lives that were supposed to happen . . . unlike mine.

I was so good at making myself invisible, I once ran into a man I knew from a weekly share group that both he and I had been part of, and this was our conversation:

“Hello,” I said.

“Excuse me,” the man replied. “Do I know you?” 

“Yes,” I answered. “Steve Taylor.”

“Who?” he asked.

“Steve Taylor . . . from the weekly share group.”

“Not ringing a bell,” he said.

“There were only six of us!” I responded, incredulously.

“Sorry,” he replied. “I just don’t remember you being there.”

So, I have identified the subconscious belief that was influencing my behavior and limiting my life. But that’s only half the battle. The next step is to dispel that detrimental belief and replace it with an idea that is more beneficial.

Dispelling a subconscious belief is not as difficult as it seems, because in most cases, the belief you identify is obviously flawed. Like I mentioned earlier in this message, it is often the inaccurate belief of a child. And as an adult, the childish nature of that belief is usually quite apparent.

Replacing the old belief with a new one is another matter. It may take some time for you to identify a new belief you can whole-heartedly adopt. In my case, however, it was incredibly easy for me to replace my old belief. Why? Because I already had a replacement idea waiting in the wings.

You see, as a result of a mystical experience I had at the age of fourteen, I have long believed in reincarnation. That’s not an idea I am asking you to buy into. What’s important here is that reincarnation is true for me. And as part of the reincarnation process, I believe you choose your parents. Their personalities, convictions, and lifestyle create a springboard for your life . . . a jumping off point to propel you towards the kind of life you want to live this time around.

So, based on that idea, is it true for me that “I am not supposed to exist?” Of course not! What’s true for me is that I chose to be here! I chose my parents! I might have been a surprise to them, but I wasn’t a surprise to me! I knew exactly what I was doing when I decided to come here. And my life has purpose and meaning, just like everyone else’s.

Unfortunately, as a child, that’s not what I concluded to be true about my place in the world. And that demonstrates just how influential a childhood subconscious belief can be. Because the idea that I wasn’t supposed to exist continued to influence my behavior up to the age of forty, far beyond the age I came to believe in reincarnation.

So, you might ask, how did things change once I was able to see the fallacy of my subconscious belief, and replace it with a more beneficial idea?  Simple. I was no longer left off of lists. In fact, in some instances, I was placed at the very top of the list. And the reason was this: From that point on, whenever I walked into a room my demeanor and body language no longer said, “Don’t pay attention to me.” Instead, it simply announced, “I am here. And I have a divine right to be here, just like everyone else.” And no one ever forgot me again.

*****

So, my friends, as loosely illustrated by my story, what follows is the technique I promised you for bringing subconscious beliefs to light, so you can dispel them and replace them more productive ideas.

1. Look for a pattern in your life that seems detrimental to you.

2. Don’t ask, “Why is this always happening to me?” Instead, turn that question around by saying, “At some level I must be creating this experience. Why would I?”

3. Having taken personal responsibility for what you are repeatedly experiencing, the reason why—often in the form of a subconscious belief—may pop right up.

4. If it does, identify the fallacy in that belief, so you can let it go.

5. Replace your old subconscious belief with a new belief that serves you better.

6. Continually reaffirm your new belief, so it can consistently influence your choices in new and better ways.

That’s it. I know it sounds simplistic, but as I mentioned earlier, it has instantly worked for me on more than one occasion . . . and I know it has worked for others, as well.

But, as I also stated, it does not work for all people, all the time, in all situations. So here are two more suggestions to help you reveal subconscious beliefs that may be sabotaging your life.

1.  Try the White Light Meditation I offer as a free download on this page of my website: www.rowrowrow.com/free-downloads.html

2. Check out a book called, The Key. In this book, author Joe Vitale describes ten other techniques for revealing and dispelling subconscious blocks.

Here’s wishing you a life that’s rewarding and fulfilling . . . and free from any belief that might get in the way of that.

Steven

P.S. I should point out that a subconscious belief is not the only thing that might come up when you state, “At some level I must be creating this experience. Why would I?” Sometimes it’s the realization that you are recreating a detrimental or abusive situation from your past—a situation you were not able to effectively handle or heal from back then. But now you have the opportunity to do what needs to be done, or say what needs to be said, so you will no longer experience that kind of situation.  

© 2015 by Steven Lane Taylor

www.rowrowrow.com

Steven Lane Taylor, LLC

The Mirror Effect

There are many gifts you give yourself whenever you forgive another, such as the freedom to be happy again. In this message I want to focus on one gift that is not as obvious. It is the gift of discovering a valuable insight about yourself.

You see, sometimes the person you need to forgive is actually “mirroring” a behavioral trait you have, but don’t want to consciously admit. If you are willing to “look in that mirror,” you may find something within yourself that needs healing. For instance, you may discover a long-neglected emotional wound that has been causing you to behave in an unproductive way. But once that wound is revealed, you have the opportunity to heal it . . . as well the opportunity to see the person who is your “mirror image” in a more compassionate light. Here is an example from my own life:

In my former career as an advertising writer, I often had to present my ideas to the vice president of our agency. This man and I were always butting heads. He always wanted to make changes to my work that I thought were completely unnecessary, or even damaging. And he always wanted to have the last word. In short, he always had to be the smartest person in the room.

I knew my anger towards this man was only hurting me, not him, so I decided I had to forgive him and release my resentments. But how? That’s when I remembered a forgiveness technique I had recently come up with. I began to imagine what might have happened to this man as a child that would explain his behavior. Was it possible he was the baby of the family, and his parents always treated him as such—never giving him credit for knowing anything, or having anything valuable to contribute? As an adult, was he still just a child that desperately wanted to be heard?

The minute I considered that possibility—whether it was actually true or not—I was able to feel compassion for this man, and forgiving him became much easier. I no longer condemned him for his behavior. Instead, through the eyes of forgiveness, I began to look upon this man as a wounded child who wanted nothing more than to be healed of that wound through my understanding.

And that’s when it hit me. The reason I imagined this man’s childhood the way I did was simply because that was my childhood!  I had been the baby of the family! And no matter how old I grew or what I achieved, I was always treated like a baby—a baby who couldn’t possibly have anything valuable to contribute.

No wonder this man and I had been butting heads! We both had to have the last word! We both had to be the smartest person in the room! All of a sudden I realized I not only had to have more compassion for the vice president of our agency, I also had to have more compassion for myself . . . for I, too, was still just a child that desperately wanted to be heard.

The next time I had a meeting with this man I had a completely different attitude towards him. I no longer judged him, because that would just be judging myself. Instead, I treated him with the respect he deserved as the vice president of our agency. And even more importantly, I treated him with the understanding he deserved as a wounded child—no matter what actually caused that wound.

Boy how that transformed our relationship! From that point on, this man and I never butted heads again. He didn’t try to change anything about my work that wasn’t necessary. And he no longer had to have the last word. All of our future meetings were peaceful and productive.

Friends, is there someone in your life you resent or bear a grudge against? Try the technique I described above. Think of that person as a child who needs your understanding, not your judgment. It will make it a whole easier for you to forgive that person. And hey, if along the way you also happen to discover something within yourself that needs healing . . . well, that’s even better.

Steven

© 2015 by Steven Lane Taylor

www.rowrowrow.com

Steven Lane Taylor, LLC

Are You Flowing or Forcing?

One of the key principles for living life in the divine flow is letting go of your attachment to a specific outcome. Sometimes that is fairly easy to do, especially if you can envision other outcomes that would be equally acceptable.

But what if—to your mind—there is only one acceptable outcome? And what if it would be really easy for you to achieve that outcome? What if, in fact, you only had to say, “Yes, that is what I want,” and you would probably get exactly what you wanted? Should you say it? Would you still be “in the flow,” or would you have moved into the forceful world of manipulation and control?

Quite often, the point where flowing turns into forcing is very subtle, and it can take a fair amount of self-awareness to determine if you are at that point. Here’s an example:

In my former career as an advertising writer, I was once asked to create a magazine campaign that would feature both American Airlines and American Express in the same ads. At that time, those two companies had entered into a partnership to offer special benefits to travelers who used their American Express cards to purchase flights on American Airlines. Because we always offered the client a choice, I developed two different campaigns:

The first campaign I created featured couples enjoying activities in various vacation destinations. One ad, for instance, showed a man and a woman riding a tandem bicycle near the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. The headline read:

The Best Way To See The West

Is In Tandem.

The phrase, “in tandem,” of course, was referring to the partnership between American Airlines and American Express.

The second campaign I developed featured famous American duos, and how they expanded our horizons. For example, one ad depicted two famous explorers of the 19th Century looking out over a vast landscape. The headline read:

Not Since Lewis And Clark

Have Two Americans Opened Up

So Much New Territory.

You get the idea, right? As is usually the case, I preferred one of my ideas over the other. I thought that the Two Americans idea was more unique than the Vacationing Couples idea, and I would be much happier if that was the campaign that was produced. So that was the one I wanted to recommend to the client.

The trouble was, I wasn’t invited to the meeting where my work would be presented. For a variety of reasons, only my Creative Director, Dave, would be attending. So Dave asked me, “Steve, which campaign do you think I should recommend?”

“The Two Americans,” I quickly answered.

“Hmmm,” Dave responded. “I think I should recommend the Vacationing Couples.”

“What?” I questioned. “No! The Two Americans is much more unique! I really think you should recommend that one.”

“I’m sorry, Steve,” Dave replied. “I’m the Creative Director, and I want to recommend the Couples idea.”

“Please, Dave,” I pleaded. “Please recommend the Two Americans.”

Dave paused for a moment, and finally said, “Steve, if that is what you really want me do to, I’ll do it. Is that what you really want?”

And there it was: The decision point—that point where I had to discern if saying “Yes, that is what I want” was in the flow . . . or, instead, if I was trying to force something to go the way I wanted it to go.

It turned out to be an easy decision to make. Because right then, something deep within me warned me to be careful. It was like driving down the road and suddenly coming upon a big, yellow “Caution” sign. I wasn’t ordered to “Stop,” but the tension I was feeling was telling me to slow down and consider my choice very carefully.

So I did. And in that moment of reflection, I realized several things: One, I didn’t know with 100% certainty that the Two Americans idea would truly be the most effective campaign for the client. Two, the Creative Director had the absolute right to decide what to recommend, not me. And three, for all I knew, the client might choose the Two Americans campaign anyway!

So I decided to pay attention to my inner warning, and I let go of my rigid attachment to the specific outcome I wanted. “Dave,” I said, “On second thought, go ahead and recommend the Vacationing Couples idea if you think that’s the best campaign.”

Well, that’s exactly what Dave did, and the client agreed with his recommendation. And it was a good thing, too. Why? Because a few days after choosing the Vacationing Couples idea, the client called with a list of specific things they needed this campaign to communicate. And you know what? My preferred idea—the Two Americans—wasn’t flexible enough to accommodate any of their needs at all. But the Couples idea could handle every single one of their requirements with ease. Whew!

Friends, there will be plenty of times in life when you are headed down the stream toward your dream, and you will reach a point where you inadvertently begin to row against the flow, rather than with it. I hope the example I just shared will remind you to pay keen attention to sudden feelings of tension or anxiety, instead of ease and grace. Because there’s a good chance that is your inner sense of wisdom—your Divine Self—warning you that you are about to leave the peaceful world of the divine flow, and enter the willful world of force. And friends, in my experience, nothing ever turns out well in that world.

Steven

© 2014 by Steven Lane Taylor

www.rowrowrow.com

Steven Lane Taylor, LLC

Fruition Through Intuition

In my last post I wrote about a time when I manifested something extraordinarily easily. One evening I simply decided what I wanted, went to bed, and the next morning what I desired had literally appeared on the lawn outside of my apartment. It was a great example of what I call “attracting without acting.” 

Generally, though, manifesting is about “acting on what you are attracting.” In other words, what you attract into your life is usually just a steppingstone to the fulfillment of your desire, and it is up to you to take advantage of that steppingstone. The challenge is recognizing that steppingstone when it appears, because it is not always obvious. That’s when your intuition can help. 

Your intuition can tell you what person in particular you need to talk to, or what specific circumstance you need to cooperate with. Even if your intuitive guidance is extremely subtle—just a sight nudge in a particular direction—it is important for you to heed that thought or feeling. Here’s a nice little example of what can happen when you do:

When Carol and I lived in Dallas, we had a lot of friends who were single. In fact, one evening we realized that almost all of our friends were single. They weren’t married, engaged, or even dating. And we missed having friends who were couples like us. We didn’t know how we would manifest friends like that, and we didn’t discuss it any further. It was just something both of us wanted.

Well, the next day I was at my computer looking through all the emails I had not yet read. A large number of those emails were from a friend of mine who was constantly forwarding jokes and funny pictures to me. Even though I do enjoy a good laugh, she was sending me far too many emails like that, and I had begun to routinely delete them without opening them.

I was in the process of doing just that when I came to one of her emails with the subject line, “You Might Like.” You might like? That sounded like something I probably wouldn’t like—just another time-waster, and I had work to do. But something unexpected happened when I started to click my mouse to delete it. Something deep within me told me to stop.

I hesitated for an instant, and then I started to click the mouse again. But once more I got the feeling I should not delete her message. In fact, I got the feeling I should open it.

So I did. And I couldn’t believe the very first sentence I read: “Would you and Carol like to join a committed couples group that is being organized at the Unity Church of Dallas?”

Wow! Would we? You bet! Suffice it to say that Carol and I went to the first meeting of that group, and we met at least a dozen like-minded couples. It didn’t take long for us to form some very long-lasting friendships.

Friends, your intuition is the most valuable and reliable source of guidance you have. It may come to you as a sudden thought, or an unexpected feeling, or something that is a combination of both—a thought/feeling, so to speak—which is what I experienced. No matter how quiet your inner voice may be, I encourage you to heed it. It is the voice of your inner Divine Spirit. It knows what you want. It knows what you need. And it is constantly telling you the next right step you need to take to fulfill your desire . . . even if that step doesn’t look like it could possibly be fruitful. 

To put it poetically, “If you want your desire to come to fruition, pay attention to your intuition.”  I am certainly glad I paid attention to mine . . . and still do.

Steven

© 2014 by Steven Lane Taylor

www.rowrowrow.com

Steven Lane Taylor, LLC